The first thing I thought about when I read the title of Paley's book was the many times I have been excluded from 'play', whether as a child or as an adult. The experiences and feelings the students voiced were not foreign to me, and like them, I seem to remember every time that I was left out and unwanted. I doubt there is any one who has not felt purposely isolated or rejected at one point or another, but it's amazing that even if we know how much it hurts to be rejected, we still do it to other people. We fear being the unwanted person, so we band together in our achievement of being in the 'in crowd' even if it is just for a brief time.
I've always wondered what makes a person popular. What makes them the one that gets to decided what game we play or who gets to play the game? What makes them the 'boss'? What is the special characteristic, sparkle, or draw that they have on other children/people? While Paley didn't clearly answer these questions for me, she did examine the idea/role of a 'boss' and whether one is necessary for play. It was interesting that as much power as the boss had during play to decide the rules for the game and essentially who could play the game, that the other children were essentially using the boss as a scapegoat or person to blame for the exclusivity of the game. Being the boss means you have power, but you also must accept the consequences of that power...
I remember when I was ten or eleven years old celebrating Christmas at my grandma's house with my cousin and I was told by my oldest cousin Jason that I couldn't play with everyone because my sister didn't want me to. I was upset and mad because Jason had the 'power' to let me play because he was the oldest, but chose to obey my sister's wishes. Not quite knowing how to handle the rush of emotions I was having, I waited outside the door and when he came out, punched him on the eye. The result was that he had a black eye for Christmas and I earned the nickname 'man-thang' (he is from the South). While I don't believe I reacted in the best way to the situation, my response is one that the students in our classes might have: one of anger accompanied by a physical reaction.
Today at Ben Samuels I witnessed an act of rejection that reminded me of YCSYCP. The toddlers walk down the hall of BS holding hands with a partner. One of the boys in the class was refusing to hold another boy's hand and said he wanted to be partners with his friend (who already had a partner and was halfway down the hallway) instead. The student teacher tried to talk to the boy, but he refused and pulled his hand away multiple times, insisting that he would rather hold his own hand. The ST mentioned to the student that he was not being very nice to his classmate, but didn't push the issue and let the boy walk back to the classroom without a partner. Even though walking down the hallway isn't 'play', I think Paley would of had the class talk about the situation as a group and ultimately include walking in the hallway with partners in the YCP rule.
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this post. Not only are you relating personal experiences to the book, you are questioning central ideas in the book that you can take to your classroom.
I remember being rejected at a young age in elementary school. It truly did sting, and I remember having a sense that those kinds of experiences were par for the course. As I remember it, my teachers never seemed inclined to intervene on behalf of rejected children. Sure, they would stop fights or bullying that they observed in the classroom, but there was no awareness or desire to create safe environments where students were encouraged to work cooperatively.
I also want to know how certain children become "bosses" at such a young age. I tried to think back to my kindergarten class, and I think these were always the kids who were mean, but also popular for some reason. I am still not sure how this came to be so, but perhaps talking about it will help us identify this phenomenon in our classrooms and thwart the rejection that always ensues.
This book helped me realize that knowing your students well, and creating a democratic classroom where their views and input are taken into consideration is not just important for the teacher's instructional purposes. It is also essential for creating the kinds of social experiences you want your students to have.
Interesting observation, Nicole, and very astute of you to immediately relate it to the book. I often don't make those kinds of connections until several days (sometimes even a week or more!) later, when a random lightning bolt goes off in my brain. I, too, like how you related your own experiences to the concepts in the book. You often provide very personal stories and I appreciate your candor.
ReplyDeleteWith respect to the hand-holding in the hallway, I do think that the student should have been made to hold another student's hand, but I'm not sure I personally would have had a whole discussion about it "Paley-style." If the issue were framed to the student as a safety concern and not be allowed to evolve into a more significant issue of drawing the friend/not-friend distinction, then the holding of hands in the hallway does not need to rise to the significance of that kind of ethical issue. By bringing it before the class for group discussion, one might be opening the door for other students to willfully begin denying their partners. At this age, that is more of a safety concern to me than the ethics lesson I may or may not successfully transmit to a group of pre-K students. Once other students are made aware that this behavior is possible, I think they are just as- or more- likely to begin wanting to choose their own partners as they are to embrace the idea that not doing so would somehow be unfair to the other members of the class.
As with anything in education, I think it's ultimately up to the teacher to decide the time/place/manner for a "YCSYCP" discussion, and I think age level might have some bearing on the kinds of situations that best lend themselves to a YCSYCP discussion in class. I certainly don't have a problem with any teacher using a moment like that to try out the technique, but I don't think I would use it in that particular instance myself.
I can definitely relate to your post Nicole. It's funny because I can definitely relate to the exclusion aspect fo school, but that did not really occur until about 6th grade when I moved to a new school district and became the "new girl." Up until then, I was definitely like Lisa. I always wanted to be in control and have my own way and if not, I would throw a fit and not want to participate. I was very bossy and had to be in control. I'm still that way now at times (that was a joke...kind of). I had no problem telling other kids that they could not play with me unless I wanted them to. My mom would always remind me of the Golden Rule: DO unto others as you would have others do unto you and I never listened.
ReplyDeleteThen I saw the other side of things when I moved and was excluded frpm activities just because I was new. I hated it and told my mom to put me back into my old school. Reading this made me wonder what happened to Lisa as she got older. Did she grow out of her "bossy stage" and always wanting to be in control or did she grow up and continue her ways? I am just curious to know how she and the rest of the class developed in their attitudes as they grew up.
I am still concerned about trying to force kids to play together. Using your BS example, how did the other boy feel when the teacher tried to force the first one to hold his hand? Part of me thinks that that would only make him feel worse.