Respect: Recognizing What We Don't Know

What struck me most from our discussion was how different all of our personal perceptions of how to show and receive respect were. In some cases, people answers were diametrically opposed. So as one person is working hard to show respect to someone else, that person perception is experiencing their behavior as disrespectful. That's illuminating!

We all see the world and process information very differently. We also know one other in only one fairly narrow sense. My take away from our discussion is that any norm of our group would need to be one that takes this diversity into account.

§                * Don’t assume

§                *Be upfront and clear about your needs

§                *Realize you can’t always get what you want

§                *Ask questions/ seek clarity

§                * Give people the benefit of the doubt

Though we are all different, we’ve all signed up for this adventure. I think if we keep our shared goals of becoming effective teachers and raising Newark student achievement in mind that may help us keep the bigger picture in mind and function as a more cohesive unit

Life's Challenges

Toyins workshop on Monday was both thought-provoking and enlightening. The notion of challenging ourselves is something that I live by, and believe wholeheartedly to be a large contributor to the character and perseverance of an individual. It is also a key element to success.


As a species, we are inherently inclined to shy away from rational fears and uncomfortable situations. Because of that, we never know what our true potential is in a given situation or environment. It is critical that we continue to challenge ourselves in order for acquisition of knowledge and personal growth to be achieved. It is only when we challenge ourselves that we gain true understanding of our abilities, and the strengths that we possess. “If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?”  - T.S. Eliot


I often have to step back and remind myself of these thoughts throughout the course of this program. As individuals and as a cohort, we have often experienced frustration, disdain, and heartache. Losing a cohort member early on was a clear reminder that the program is strenuous and requires diligence and perseverance to make it to the end. As a group, we have hit what appear to be brick walls at time, and I am reminded of a quote by Randy Pausch from his Last Lecture series; “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”


Challenging ourselves often means questioning the way we think or feel or believe…questioning what we have been taught, questioning what we are still being taught. It requires us to check our biases, and remember that people are the way they are for a reason, and we cannot pass judgment without understanding. I shared on Monday that my father was in the WTC on 9/11. He is alive and well, but for a long time I openly hated Osama Bin Laden, and I let my father know it. One day, Dad sat me down and told me that while what we feel that what Osama did was wrong, we cant pass judgment on who he is. We cannot hate a man for doing something that he believed in. It took me a long time to wrap my head around that. I challenged myself to reflect on what he said, and after a while it made sense. We don’t know where people come from, how they were raised, the lives that they live…and we have to continuously challenge ourselves to work at understanding differences. I realized the change in myself when Sadaams execution was publicized for the world. I watched in horror the old man on the TV with a neuce around his neck, and instead of rejoicing with the rest of the world, I was overwhelmed with the thought that this was someones father, someones, grandfather being murdered on national TV…is this was we stand for? Do I want to be someone who rejoices in that? When Osama was finally caught and killed, and soldiers dumped his body in the ocean, I received a text from my Dad. It was a picture of Americans burning the Afgani flag in NYC. He wrote “It’s amazing the disrespect that hate can bring out of people”. My father challenging me to think outside the box, and then me challenging myself, ironically gave me peace with who people are. This will be true in when I receive my students for the first time as well.


The way my father challenged me is the way I will challenge my students. Understanding and appreciating our differences for what they are is the ultimate form of respect we can give one another. We MUST challenge our students to challenge themselves, so they can in turn, grow to be individuals that question what they see and think critically and divergently. It is not our job to bestow knowledge on students, but rather challenge them to discover it themselves. We cannot handicap our children by making their lives easy.


“It’s supposed to be hard….if it wasn’t hard everyone would do it….it’s the hard that makes it great”

-          Tom Hanks, A League of their Own

Reflecting on Respect

I learned from today's session with Toyin that there are a number of different ways to think about and show respect. I learned that respect may not mean the same thing to everyone, and that because of this, sometimes it may be possible to be perceived as demonstrating a lack of respect even when such is not the intention. Likewise, it may be possible that someone is faking politeness rather than showing respect and someone else may not notice. Essentially, the notion of respect can lead to perceptions among peers that are not genuine. In some cases, such as in the preservation of an atmosphere of politeness and courtesy, it is important to maintain a stable atmosphere, even if that sometimes means holding one's tongue. In other cases, staying quiet may lead to quiet resentments and undercurrents of dissent and mistrust, so it is important to find appropriate ways to work out differences of opinion and style in an open and constructive setting at appropriate times. Clearly, finding this balance is an issue that must be regarded with care in groups of diverse experiences, motivations, and opinions, but having seen it managed successfully by different combinations of us across many group projects since the beginning of this program, I am confident we are becoming much better at finding that balance as a group.

I also see better from this week's session that respect is essential to collaborative efforts. Even when respect is slowly or grudgingly given, members of groups who share common experiences come to respect one another, and that respect directly correlates to the overall health of the group and toward its positive outcomes. A big part of group success is respecting yourself and your own personal goals enough to recognize when you need to make a change ("Man in the Mirror" reference, anyone?) to help things go more smoothly for everyone. Intransigence and a myopic focus on oneself are not productive to group efforts. I mentioned in a previous session with Ms. Marcus and Dr. Wray that I am learning to be less of a "me" and more of an "us," meaning I must recognize that my focus only on my needs and interests must recede enough to make room for the collaborative goals and projects that we work on together as a Cohort. That is an issue of respecting my own role in a larger unit, and respecting the other members of that unit in a way that enables me to seek their advice and input and to respect their views and contributions.

Respect means knowing when to assert myself and trust in my feelings, but also to recognize when to recede and let others contribute with my full attention and deference. Finding the right balance of "me" and "us" in this setting is essential to our future success. These are the things I have been reflecting on since our session on Monday.

BLOG ON RESPECT…..BY: JOANNE ASHE　
　The Teaching and Learning seminar that transpired on Monday, June 11, 2012, was enlightening, to say the least. The concept of Respect, with all of its adaptations, variations and implications has always been one of paramount importance in the African-American community. The person entering a room should say hello; No hats were to be worn indoors; Please, Thank You, You’re Welcome and Excuse Me were all requisite mottos upon entry into the world of speech. Additionally, respect for one’s elders, as well as a general courteousness directed toward other “human beings” is basically a given in said community. That being said, I don’t feel that any of the above mentioned indicators of respect in the African-American community is that far removed from “basic” American cultural “norms”, denoting Respect. Personally, I am shocked when people walk into a room and don’t speak. It appears to be rude and disseminates an air of negativity that seems to permeate the entire enclosure. (Granted, there may be days when
we are overwhelmed by Life itself, and our minds may be totally absorbed in thoughts that are in no way connected to the space we are entering….believe me I‘ve had my share). However, simple “Hello’s” accompanied by “sincere” smiles, usually accomplish monumental tasks…. One of which is setting the tone for establishing meaningful relationships…. inside of our classrooms or out.

Awareness and My Path

"As long as you acknowledge change, that's the first step."  Toyin Adekoje


Reflecting on moving forward from the conversation during this seminar, I opened with this quote because I wanted to explore it further.


You've all seen me at many moments caught in "the island of me" with "poor me" kind of thoughts and complaints.  Some of them are easy to justify, but valid or not, in the end they are just damaging my spirit of being and my awareness.


To effectively learn, more than anything I've requested, I need my spirit whole and my awareness.  Sure things would be easier for me if I had a syllabus and if lessons were differentiated to foster more creative expression that had equal weight to traditional measures.  I would be much happier if lessons lent themselves more to the eighth intelligence and really tapped into the funds of knowledge I carry, but that's not the reality.  So I need to do the best with the situation at hand.     


When one is working for something for the greater good, there are often things that will try to distract us from our paths.  Each one of us has a choice of how we will handle those distractions.  For the rest of this journey, when I'm bored, annoyed, and/or can't find purpose in the assignments or design of a session, I will always have the deeper purpose that has guided me here.   

Teaching and Learning: Respect and Perceptions

During yesterday's seminar (6/11/12), I had the opportunity to think about my time in this program and my future role as a teacher differently than I have in the last few months. Our discussion about how we develop perceptions about people, and how those perceptions can lead to biases, reminded me that this occurs all the time. We may hear someone say something negative or positive about a person that implants an idea or perception about that person in our minds. We then approach interactions with that person that are informed by these implanted perceptions. Sometimes the way we treat a person can produce the very behavior that we unfairly expected. This can lead to a cycle of misunderstandings and misinterpretations that limits the kinds of interactions we have with the person. This leads to nowhere good.

As an emerging teacher, this is particularly important. I want to start each school year by giving each child a clean slate, regardless of what I might have heard from previous teachers or other school staff. I can see now how critical this is to giving each child the opportunity to have a productive year in your classroom. I experienced being in a class run by a teacher who decided she did not like me the moment she met me. It was an unpleasant experience, and it is not something I would ever want to do to any student who walks into my classroom.

The discussion on respect seemed to stir up unresolved issues within the cohort. It was good to hear what people think about showing and being shown respect. We are a group of unique individuals who have entered this program with our own sets of life experiences that contribute to how we view this idea of respect. I think we have reached a point where we all want to be conscious of everyone else's feelings and how they want to be treated. Having respect for one another is imperative if we are going to make it through this program as a cohesive unit.

RESPECT ....What it Means to Me

RESPECT, what it means to me, the popular song by Aretha Franklin is what comes to mind every time I hear the word.  I sing the song in my head and often ask myself what does this powerful word mean to me?  Yesterday, June 11, 2012, I had the opportunity to unpack this word and reflect on my definition of respect.  During a 90 minute discussion I learned that respect is fluid, context specific, varies from culture to culture, and not easily given or earned.  For me respect begins with me acknowledging the God in a person.  I recognize and accept that we (myself included) all have our "stuff" and are unique works in progress but we are all deserving of basic respect.  

Respect is purposeful and deliberate and it is earned and not simply given. I make the conscience effort to be respectful to all people regardless of how I personally feel about a person. Being mannerable, referring to a person by their name, minimizing negative talk about a person, giving back to the community, and being mindful of people's feelings are a few of the tasks I try to make a conscience effort to complete.  Respect is living by the rule of do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Unfortunately, this is not always the reality.  Many times people do not show you the respect that you show them.  The challenge for me becomes how do I continue to be respectful when I know that a person has deliberately been disrespectful and/or makes the conscience decision to ignore your feelings.  I am learning (everyday is a test) to not internalize the disrespect.  I believe that people are disrespectful because they themselves are hurting and do not know how to address their hurt.  This is not to say that you do not stand-up for yourself but there comes a time when you really have to pick your battles.

The picking of battles and not becoming consumed by the daily disrespect are realities I face everyday as I travel on this journey to become an urban educator. As I have done in the past, I will show respect with the hope that one day I will receive the respect that I have earned.

Today's Class: A Reflection

When I arrived at the Bolden Center this morning, I was in a positive mood and was looking forward to a productive day of learning and growing. I left the Bolden Center with a mix of emotions and in a decisively less positive mood. I allowed myself some time to digest what I was feeling and take apart the different activities of the day to see how I arrived at my less joyful state...

While it was a bit uncomfortable to write about my fellow cohort members, I enjoyed participating in the first activity we dived into this morning. While we have known each other for five months now, the activity allowed us to see that we still know very little about each other. I don’t know if we can truly ‘know’ anyone. I think about my close friends and family and I know a lot about them, but it’s really only what they want me to see/know and what they feel comfortable revealing to me. I also believe that it’s very possible that we don’t even know ourselves. We are constantly learning new things about ourselves, discovering hidden talents and points we can improve on. If we don’t fully know ourselves, can we know the people around us?

As teachers, we are going to be taking the bits of information we can gather on our students to help them learn and grow. It is important that we don’t jump to conclusions or stereotype our students based on the little information we can muster together about them. We should give our students the benefit of the doubt and concentrate on pushing them as budding learners. We must also remember that our students come into our classroom with their own knowledge and that they can teach us a lot if we let them.

Now on to my mood deflation...

I think my mood was effected during the last activity that we did together. We were asked to make a list of the things we needed in order to work together as a cohort. This seems to be something we are asked a lot, and I left the Bolden Center today unsure as to why we are being asked to make these similar lists, especially when we seem to be saying most of the same things over and over again, and it feels like the response we always get is that we need to be more flexible and go with the flow. I understand that things pop up and that it’s part of the program that we don’t really know what we will be doing in a few months. I accept the fact that our schedule is subject to change and that we need to be able to handle these changes. I’m just not sure why we keep being asked what we need or would like moving forward, when the answer will always be, first and foremost, a detailed schedule and syllabus for our classes. To me, it was a grand letdown to once again respond honestly to the question of ‘what we need’ because it built up hope in my mind for our needs being met, only to have that hope squashed moments later. 

In the future, I will try to think of this question not as ‘what I need’, but ‘what else do I need.’ Maybe then I won’t leave class so disheartened. Chin up. Tomorrow’s a new day. : )