Child Study at Bragaw: Volleyball and Jared

Child Study at Bragaw:  Volleyball and Jared

So many lessons have been coming through games in my short time at Bragaw.  My latest reflections have had to do with the modeling of yelling that have permeated the lives of the children I’m working with.  It seems to be that way with many children.  There is an innate, primal way of being that would have them push, take, and yell.  However, I’ve seen it modeled by the head instructor of the program as a way of keeping control of the children.

It is known that whatever is modeled to children will be copied, and so in playing games with the kids, they yell to control things to their favor.  I’ve been working to change this way of being, and though it’s been exhausting, I’m seeing a lot of positive results.

We’ve played many games, but volleyball has been a primary interest for many of the students.  This began with me just bringing in a small ball from that I borrowed from my neighbors.  I began to bounce, kick, and hit it around.  This developed into hitting it to keep it up, and eventually evolved into teaching some proper forms of hitting a volleyball.  Yesterday, I brought in a 50 foot rope and used that as our net.  It made the game more real.  Now it has grown into further complex lessons in playing volley ball such as serving styles, keeping score, playing as a team, playing zones, and rotating positions.   It also has branched out into other lessons such as tying a quick release knot and self-regulation.

There are so many moments when the kids all want the ball at the same time, or they all want to serve, or they’re all clustered at the front of the net.  It’s comical sometimes, but other times it gets so tiring intervening.  Now, it’s gotten to the point where I’ve developed a relationship with the children that allows them to respond really well to “the power of my words”. 

I’ve learned that when there is an argument over a turn, or possession of the ball, I’ll take the ball, pause the game, kneel down on the ball, and have everyone circle around me.  I’ll talk sincerely, yet authoritatively, about ground rules for participating in a game with me.  It is more eloquent that I can right in this moment because it is coming from my heart at that moment.  I wish it was able to be captured so that I can see it.  Anyhow, today for instance, I alluded to the fact that outside of the fences of the playground, there was so much war, so much violence, so much fighting, and arguing, and pain, and I didn’t want that at the playground.  I wouldn’t tolerate it.  I would pack up the game and go sit somewhere with people who wouldn’t fight.  I want to choose to be around people who would be supportive. 

I’m most often surprised at the children’s vestment in their own growth and desire for well-being.  They could say “fine”, and test me to my word, and see if I would pack the game, but they stay and work to resolve the issue.  If it can’t be fully resolved in the moment, I don’t force anything.  I get to a space where we can continue, and when it arises again, we address it.  The next time, and the next, it continues to get better. 

This growth has been happening in so many children in many different ways.  Since I’ve been focusing on one particular child, Jared, it’s been really evident in him.  From early on I was intrigued by a mannerism that Jared has where he’ll get upset in a situation, voice his frustration, and then walk away.  Sometimes this comes through an injustice on someone else’s part, but just as often, at least, it comes by way of him being unreasonable or unfair in a situation.

Though he usually walks away on his own and comes back, today, for the first time, I sent him away to sit for one minute and think about why I had asked him to sit away.  I wasn’t sure how it would work.  After about 30 seconds, I sat by him and asked him if he would hear me.  I said that I could only talk to him if he would hear me, but that if he needed more time alone that would be okay.  He didn’t say anything, but his body language was receptive, so I told him I had sent him away because we had recently had the conversation about what was acceptable as far as working as a team and not arguing or bullying and then he was initiating that very behavior.  It was in terminology that was easier to digest for his 8 year old mind, and he responded positively and joined the game. 

In the time that I’ve worked with him, I’ve seen so much growth in Jared.  He is a natural athlete, and his volleyball game has gotten so much better.  He had never officially played before.  He loves the encouragement and the genuine compliments that I give him.  Where he was one who would kick or throw the ball, he does well in rolling it under the net as I have requested and models this well for others.  He also loves when I ask him to demonstrate how to serve, hit, or dig a volleyball to another student.

I have a main group that usually plays with Jared and me.  They are Crystal, Tyreese, Pharell, Shamir, and Armani (and a few others whom I cannot quite recall at this moment) but many other students are beginning to take interest in learning the lessons of life and volleyball.  It is wonderful, and as Keisha note, “It’s amazing what you can do with a rope and a ball.”